Two Feet and Four Paws

I am the proud pet parent of a 3 year old male Schipperke (dog) "Bear" who my fiance and I have raised since he was a wee pup at 7 weeks old. He's been with us through thick and thin and is the joy of our lives. Some pet parents choose to have their pet included in their nuptials as the ring bearer or flower girl. Before including your furry companion in your bridal party, check with the venue first (unless it's at home) if pets are allowed. If so, think really hard having your dog in the wedding, especially if your dog has some issues that could hinder the wedding or worse.

Did I see a cat?! Where is it?! Lemme at it!

Not every pet will be able to sit still and behave for a period of time without getting distracted. There are some pets that will behave, but once you turn your back it could be an entirely different story.

This sure beats dog biscuits!

No two pets are the same and if there are multiple pets, be careful with pairing them if they weren't raised in the same home . I do not recommend including your four legged companion if they have issues with separation, crowds and/or children (if you plan on having any at the wedding).

Hey, what am I chopped liver?!!!

Moral of the story: Best friend doesn't always mean they'll be on their best behavior.

Mommie Dearest

A fellow member of a forum I frequent once said that a wedding is a dictatorship, not a democracy. Truer words could not be spoken. Despite the burgeoning rise of couples footing the bill for their wedding, there are still a few mothers and/or fathers of the bride or groom that do for most of all of the bills. It is nice to help, but the helping can morph into controlling over time. Most talk about the bridezilla, but there is one creature that is just as bad,if not worse than bridezilla. That creature is the momzilla. The momzilla could be the mother of the bride or groom and will have no qualms on letting you know her opinions and demands. Forget that it's your wedding, in her mind it's HER wedding. Money isn't the only reason she uses to justify her controlling and overbearing ways, it could be because she had no say in hers and wants to live vicariously through you. She drives everyone around her and can drive a wedge between the bride and groom with her ways.

Momzilla vs. The Bride

Momzillas obsess over the wedding over anything else but there are some that strong arm their way in the wedding plans.

The Dictator.

The wedding plans are not the only thing momzillas voice their opinions over, it's also the bride or groom's choice of partners. Some momzillas are more subtle than others when it comes down to showing her displeasure with her future son or daughter-in-law.

Save that for a funeral.

Way to upstage the bride. How rude!

The two worst faux pas the mother of the bride or groom could ever make are wearing solid black or white to the wedding.

Before anybody gets steamrolled and their feelings hurt, the best thing to do is talk things over and let Mom know that you are open to her opionions and/or advice and let her have some involvement in your plans and do let her know if and when she is overstepping her boundaries.


Moral of the Story: Helping does not equal dictating.

Stark Raving Bride and Groom

Planning a wedding is a joyful and stressful time. There's so much to do and only so much time before the big day. Typically the father and/or mother of the bride was the one to foot the bill for the wedding, while the bride did the planning. Now that has changed with the bride and groom both footing the bill and planning the wedding. It can be stressful, but there are ways to release it without hurting anyone's feelings in the process. Unfortunately that isn't always true with some brides. Even as a fellow bride-to-be, I still can't fathom how someone can go from normal to the the monster we all know as bridezilla. We all want our wedding to be wonderful, but some brides demand total perfection and refuse to accept anything less, even if it means drastic measures and seems tactless and downright rude in everyone else's eyes. If bridezilla's expectations aren't met, you can be sure that she will incur her wrath on all who stand in her way.

The My Super Sweet 16 girls on Mtv have nothing on her.

It's easy to get consumed with the wedding plans, but the most consuming of all bridezillas are their egos. The things that come out of a bridezillas mouth always have the words "me" "I" "mine" or "my" in it..

Megalomania much?

Now there is a small, but growing amount of these monsters lurking from the shadows called the Groomzilla. It's bad when you have bridezilla, but when bride and groomzilla unite, be afraid....be very very afraid.

The groom of doom.

Moral of the story: Keep your cool and perspective. This day may be about you, but don't forget that there is no I in We. A wedding is only one day, but marriage is a lifetime.

Guests Gone Bad

For any special event, it is wise to be on your best behavior and don your finest attire for the occasion. Depending on the occasion, you must follow the proper protocol to be on the good graces of the bride and groom and other important figures and if you want to continue to be invited to other functions they will host.

During the ceremony, cell phones or any electronics need to be on vibrate, silent or completely shut off. Unless that call is an emergency, do not answer it and leave the ceremony site if you need to talk on your cell phone.


Way to draw attention to yourself. Not only will you be getting the evil eye from the other guests, but the officiant and bridal party too. Worse, they will hear your not so private conversation.


Some couples choose not to include children on the guest list for various reasons: budget, capacity restrictions or because of the behavior. If the bride and groom wish to include children on the guest list, there are a few things parents must follow with small children and . During the ceremony, instruct the child to keep quiet and sit still. That can be a hard feat for children, but one way to keep them busy, quiet and happy is to bring coloring books or a pad of paper for them to doodle on . As for potty breaks, instruct the child to whisper to you when they need to go, so there are no loud interruptions during the ceremony. It's okay to let your child play at the reception, but keep a watchful eye so they won't cause trouble.


It's bad enough to hear a cellphone go off, but it's worse with children. Even a fellow parent would give the death glare if another parent can't keep little precious quiet.


Babies are a different story, but proper etiquette still must be followed. If the baby starts to cry, quietly excuse yourself from the ceremony and go to another room to soothe the baby.

Nothing is more piercing to the ears than a loud baby.

Having a drink or two is okay, provided that you are on your best behavior and not causing a scene. Some can tolerate alcohol more than others, but the bad behavior that comes with it is the intolerable part for anyone with an inebriated guest.

The hangover won't be the only thing she'll be regretting in the morning.

Lewd or crude remarks, verbal or physical fights, harassment, or loose inhibitions like blurting out that the groom once slept with some strippers while you're drunk are bound to haunt you. That haunting may result in you being snubbed from future events or ruining whatever relationship you have with your fellow guests and/or the bride and groom.


Moral of the story: Tactfulness get you anywhere.

With This Ring I Thee Wed.....

For centuries, wedding rings are the symbol of fidelity,undying love and a union between two people . Years ago they were once simple and understated but made a bold statement. Now, wedding rings make a bold statement in so many ways with couples having more options to choose from in having a unique wedding ring. Couples now have the option of choosing many different etchings, stones, metals other than gold or two tone metal rings, natural or antique finish. Couples can also opt for eco-friendly rings that are made of conflict free metals and/or stones, recycled metals or wood. This is one of the few parts of wedding planning where both the bride and groom are involved. Being unique is fine, but being the one that sticks out like a sore thumb is not.




Coming to a hardware store near you: wedding rings. At least with these you can link them together so you won't lose them.


Sometimes function overrides fashion, depending on the bride and groom's lifestyle which can be another factor in choosing the right wedding ring.

Too bad these rings can't be used to really hook up an ethernet connection or for phone jack.



Some couples opt for plain metal wedding bands with etchings, filigree edges or a simple band with or without a couple of small stones.

I may love Hello Kitty, but this is where I draw the line.

Moral of the Story: When you pick out your rings, think of how it would look now and years later before buying them.

The Snow Beast Cometh

Some brides like to really feel like a princess for a day and one of the many ways they do that is by either donning a tiara, a long veil, figure hugging gown with a long train or a big gown with all the frills. What you choose to wear for the wedding could draw attention to you in a good or bad way, but besides that could make you miserable .


Big poofy gowns may still be popular, but there are some more form fitting gowns that can display the same amount of extravagance.


I wonder how she was able to put on her gown without having to hold her breath or even be able to move during the wedding. The Groom or her father must've gone through more layers of her veil than Salome did in her dance to take it off.

Poofy dresses aren't the only extravagant bridal garb, puffy veils were all the rage in the mid-late 1980s to the early 1990's.



This is the true meaning of excess and the bride's veil and headpiece look like it's devouring her her head.


Real life brides aren't the only ones who have sinned a great deal in the eyes of the fashion gods.




If any bride in real life wore the same or similarly designed gowns as these dolls, they would need an entourage to get in and out of these gowns.


Moral of the story: Sometimes choosing function is better than fashion.

Deck The Halls

What sets off an event more than anything is the decor, regardless of the theme, formality or color scheme. Simplicity and elegance is key in wedding decor and there are several ways to cut costs for ceremony and reception decorations. One way is to make the centerpieces yourself or buy ribbon kits for the aisle or wedding arch at craft stores. Depending on your venue for the reception and/or catering, your vendor may offer services to help with some of the decorations, like the centerpieces or renting out table linens,tents and/or chair covers. Silk flowers can look great (provided they are of good quality and arranged nicely) while dramatically slashing costs and great for those who have allergies. Another alternative is balloon bouquets for the table centerpieces. Now, I will emphasize my credo that less is more with decor and style.

Every bride wants to have that fairy tale wedding like Cinderella. It could be a cute and romantic motif, but as long as it doesn't go from a wedding to a little girl's party.




The cake was supposed to be the focal point of the table, but the enormous balloon carriage ran that over.


The old wedding tradition is to have something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, which can be a number of things.


Apparently we've hit a new low in using something old and something borrowed.


Topiaries can be great center pieces for most themes and color schemes whether fresh flowers are used or not. I will advise again for the artistically inept not to attempt making their own decorations.


We are experiencing a northern exposure of the foam ball sparsely decorated with pumpkin candy corn.


I love dolls and what girl doesn't. I will admit that even the artistically adept are inclined to making a few decorating blunders as well.


This is best suited for your grandmas bathroom dolls...particularly the toilet paper roll cover dolls.


Moral of the Story: High quality and low quantity are the keys to a beautifully decorated wedding ceremony and reception.

Accessory Pass Granted

Accessories help accentuate the outfit, whether it's the veil down to the shoes. The best thing about accessories is that they can be purchased for a bargain and it can still look like a million bucks. That is if you know how to find the right place. Crafty brides have the option of making their own veils and headpieces from scratch or from a kit to save money.Brides also have the option purchase veils from discount vendors online or in-store. Shoes on the other hand don't always have to be purchased from the bridal shop, they can be purchased from a department store or boutiques for less. The headpiece is the most distinguishing of all accessories for the bride, a little personality and uniqueness is a great way to show off your style, but it must be done with subtlety and tact.



I wonder if that headpiece weighed as much as a bag of sugar and how long she was able to hold her head up.

Shoes aren't the most comfortable things the bride and her bridal party have to wear, but there are some brides that are willing to sacrifice comfort over style. However there are some that are not willing to do that and there's a way to have both style and comfort with your shoes without being tacky.

As a Floridian, I believe flip flops are only good for casual outings and for a bride and her bridesmaids to wear this is a major no-no.

Ballet flats, kitten heels or comfort insert soles in the shoes are one way to feel stylish and comfortable on the big day.

Hopefully the comfort will be the only reason she wore this monstrosity.

The garter belt hides underneath your wedding gown until the groom makes way and tosses it. But that doesn't mean that it's exempt from being garish.


The groom may have finished in first place and past the checkered flag in the race, but not this garter.

Moral of the Story: Find the right balance of comfort and style for you. It will save you from misery.

Could You Do Me A Favor?

With hosting and planning special events, we like to give the parting guests a token of appreciation for their participation and/or attending the event . Those tokens are gifts or favors. It can range from a dainty tulle sachet of Jordan almonds, votive candle to a whimsical miniature figurine. Now those selections have expanded with more practical and eco-friendly favors that everyone would be sure to love. Aside from the eco-friendly trend, there are some who like to give their guests a lavish parting gift like the celebrities do. Thankfully there are plenty of options for anyone that wants to have favors for their wedding that guests will love, but that won't break the bank. Make sure to choose favors that within budget range, plan and buy ahead of time how many to purchase for your guests and yourself to have as a keepsake once you have a list of those that have confirmed to attend and/or participate.


DIY favors add a nice unique touch to the wedding and can help you save a bundle, but save it for the pros if you are inept with arts and crafts.

C'mon baby, light my fire...and my smokes.

Sometimes it's cute to have a little whimsical touch to your favors but there is a fine line with being cute and being downright cheesy.

Speaking of the devil, this is one "grate" favor that will end up collecting more dust than my old toys.


I am all for favors that are practical, but again, not when it's downright chintzy.

Here comes the beer....and canned coke.


Moral of the story: Choose favors that your guests will treasure and will serve as a great reminder of how much you appreciate them.

Mokey Suits

Typically the bride does most of the planning for the wedding, but there are some parts of the planning that is best left to the groom. That part I'm talking about is the tuxedo or suit. Some might buy their tuxedos, but most tend to rent it. Besides the style and fit being major factors in the groom selecting the tuxedos, he must also think about how he can integrate the colors of the wedding for him and the groomsmen that both he and his bride would be happy with. There are some that would go with bow ties, regular ties or even the ascots and possibly include the vest with it for a slightly less formal look. Personally I wouldn't mind if my fiance chose to opt out the tie and vest, but every bride and groom has their own tastes. However, there are some fine lines that must not be crossed when picking out attire for a wedding.

Camouflage is becoming a popular theme to lightly incorporate in wedding themes to honor the bride or groom serving in the armed forces.

Shh...be vewy vewy quiet. We'we hunting bwides.

Color is one of the main things to consider in selecting a suit, but another is style. The best thing is to keep it clean, classy and timeless.

The only good thing this groom has with this monstrosity he calls a tux is the boutonniere .


Formal attire in general can cost a pretty penny and some may go to a outlet store for a cheaper version of the suits if they chose to buy instead of rent. Looking around for special discounts never hurts if the price and suit are right.

Some people have more of a discerning taste and prefer designer duds. There a plenty of designer suits and there's nothing wrong with wearing one, as long as it's in good taste.

It's nice that the bride and groom share the same taste, but this is just overkill.

Moral of the story: If you can't trust the groom to pick out a good suit, go with him.

Tryin' To Catch Me Ridin' Dirty

Another highly essential part of weddings along with proms,homecoming dances and (for some) Quinces and Sweet 16's : the limousine. To ride in style and to feel like a VIP for a day with the oohs and ahhs from your guests when you arrive and depart in your limo. The unfortunate reality is that with rising gas prices, some are opting out of stretch limousines or limousines all together and are opting for antique cars, sedans and some even choose the mini-bus or use their own car. Besides that and the budget factor, you also want to pick a company and chauffeur with a good,stable record. When choosing the transportation, you want to not only pick out the appropriate mode of transportation for yourself or anyone else accompanying but you for the occasion as well.


I highly doubt that Barbie would be caught dead riding in this limo for her wedding.

Antique luxury cars and limos are one of the latest wedding trends for couples to set themselves apart from the rest. By antique I mean something like a 1937 Rolls Royce Phantom III or a 1976 Rolls Royce Silver Shadow.

This is nowhere close to antique, but it's begging for an overhaul!

A little opulence is nice, but it is best to keep it clean, classy and elegant for weddings. No garish colors, rims or tires. Leave that for the rock stars and the high school age functions.

Good for a monster truck show, but not for a wedding.

Some couples opt for the classic traditional route by riding in one of their own cars together and decorating it, or the more romantic route: the horse drawn carriage

Forget horse and carriage, it's more like horse and scrap heap.

Moral of the story: If you want to pick out a good ride for your wedding, consider the safety and the reputation and something that won't draw attention in a bad way.

The Big Fat Wedding Venue

One of the most expensive portions of wedding planning is the venue for the ceremony and reception. Some couples opt for a fancy hotel, banquet hall,country club or even a fancy restaurant as the site for both the ceremony and reception. These days with gas prices going through the roof, it can help not only you save more money with not having the limo chauffeur take you from one place to another, but the guests and/or bridal party as well. Some couples are more traditional with choosing a church/temple or any other place of worship for the ceremony and another place for the reception. One way to cut back on costs for the venues is to have the wedding at home. Besides the fact that you have a smaller guest list to deal with and that it's in a place that you cherish is great. However, when planning the wedding venue at a home, there's factors to take into consideration: if you and/or the host relatives are willing to clean before and after the wedding. Besides that, you must also think of selecting a place that is accommodating for you and your guests and the maximum or minimum amount of guests you can have.
There are some venues that do offer other services to help you on your big day such as on site catering, decor and more.



Again, I will emphasize that a venue with on site catering services is great, but this is just plain laughable. Imagine the invitations: A reception will follow with slider burgers, fries and Danishes for dessert. Real classy, huh.


Moral of the Story: Find a venue that is accommodating to you and your guests needs and that is appropriate for the occasion.

Always A Bridesmaid Never The Bride

One of the most difficult portions of planning in the wedding attire arena is the bridesmaids dress. Not only must the bride find something within her budget, but also something that her bridesmaids can walk down the aisle in with pride. Unfortunately the pride factor in bridesmaids dresses is a rarity. It is a faux pas for anybody to upstage the bride, especially those who are in the bridal party, hence the atrocious dresses most bridesmaids must endure for the duration of the wedding. Besides the fabric and style itself, the color is another major factor that can make or break a bridesmaid dress.



Nausea, heartburn,indigestion, upset stomach diarrhea, yay Pepto Bismol is what this dress and the bridesmaid are screaming.



These bridesmaids got the golden ticket to one incredibly ugly dress that not even King Midas would touch.

All I can say is that this poor lady looks like a walking Hershey kiss.

Looking for a good time? Dial 1-900-Bridesmaids.

Not only can you taste this rainbow, but you can squeeze it like an accordion.

Moral of the story: Choose wisely with your bridesmaids dresses, because one day the very same torture you subjected your bridesmaids to wear may happen to you.

Let Them Eat Cake!

The cake is essential to any party or special occasion other than weddings. Some people are more willing than others to go all out with their cakes, while others are less than willing and are satisfied with something simple. Wedding cakes can be pricey depending on how big, how many tiers, the flavor(s), fillings, decoration and whether the cake will be covered in fondant or butter cream. One way to drastically cut down the cost of the cake is to either have somebody you know that is talented and skilled with baking and cake decorating or do it yourself. If you plan on doing it yourself, I strongly suggest that if you are inept with baking and cake decorating to leave it to the pros for this feat, or you will reap disastrous results with your cake that would make Betty Crocker and Martha Stewart cry.


Even for an amateur like myself, this abomination would not make it past my kitchen. This looks like something a baker would make while drunk. Friends don't let friends drink and bake.




Now there's this trend where couples opt for wedding cupcakes or some other pastry stack instead of the cakes to be unique and to cut costs as well. Right here is a good example of how not to do that. I wonder how they served it to the guests...or if they just had a free for all after bride and groom got their share.



Apparently now another trend is to endorse a brand name item to offset the costs of your wedding too.




Cheap cakes aren't the only exception to bring disastrous results, which is why I go by the motto less is more. Some brides like to have the colors or theme of their wedding or a little bit of themselves in the cake. This cake went too far when it was literally made in the bride's likeness. That's pretty scary to think that people are literally eating parts of you and that you're cutting into yourself, even though it's just a cake version of you.


To quote The Beatles, "you can't buy me love" and this cake topper is really screaming you can't buy class but you can buy trash.


Moral of the story: Get a cake that you can be proud of and that won't break the bank. If you have to second guess it, don't get it.